Out of all the advice and guidance I’ve received over the years on how to achieve balance, I’ve recently come to believe that nothing is more important to the art of balance than mindfulness. This is, of course, much easier said than done.
An endless list of tasks, obligations, and responsibilities keep our minds plenty occupied on the future, and memories, both pleasant and painful, pull our minds backward to the past. Our minds rarely settle on the sweet spot — the present. This separation of the mind and body, though necessary and useful at times, prevents us from truly experiencing life and the world around us. The result: you feel disconnected, unbalanced, and unfulfilled. Life becomes a mere series of tasks that we plan to complete at some future time, and the fun times are only experienced in the past as we fondly reflect on past memories. It feels almost odd to point out what should be obvious to us all — just live in the moment. But, unfortunately, mindfulness is a skill, and one that takes consistent and committed practice.
I came to appreciate how destructive the imbalance between body and mind can be after I gave birth to my daughter. It dawned on me not long after she was born, when I realized the peace that can be found simply by living life in the present, focusing on each moment, here and now, with no worries about the future or thoughts about the past.
I have Olivia to thank for this revelation. On the one hand, it’s a bit comical. You see, you can’t really focus on much else when you’re trying to change a diaper at 2 am in the pitch black, while she’s crying hysterically because she’s hungry, for the third time that night. A life that’s totally dependent upon you for survival demands your full attention. The irony is that you’d think something, or someone, that demanding would be exhausting. I guess, in one sense it is — those mid-night feedings were tough — but they were also freeing, and exhilarating.
Some of the most wonderful moments of my life so far have been spent with Olivia in the late-night or early-morning hours, nursing her or comforting her. In those moments I was completely taken by her, watching her, feeling her soft skin, gripping her tiny fingers. I’m sure the other mothers reading this will understand when I say those moments are what pure joy feels like. There’s an inner calm, a peace that envelopes you, and you know right there in that moment that everything is okay.
Olivia taught me the power of these moments.
The challenge now is to create more of them, no matter where I am or what I’m doing, regardless of the circumstances, positive or negative. Of course this is hard, but I’m committed. I’ve always felt a somewhat similar feeling during my morning workouts, particularly while running. My mind shuts off, and my body just goes. It’s meditative. Now, no matter where I am, I constantly try to bring myself back to the present.
I still struggle. I’m a planner, so my mind naturally wants to turn to what needs to be done for the day, as it cycles through all the items on my mental to do list. But, I try to remember those moments with Olivia, what it was that kept me so engrossed — her tiny hands, the silkiness of her hair, her muffled coos. Whenever my mind begins to stray from the present, I focus on the physical — the feel of the scarf around my neck, the hiss of the espresso machine at the coffee shop, the smell of the fresh cut grass as I walk to the metro on a spring day.
The biggest challenge for me so far is being mindful during difficult times. But, I’ve learned that these are the times when it’s arguably the most beneficial. When I get upset, like many people I suspect, my mind tends to race from one thought to the next — how could this have happened, how do I handle all this, what do I do now? Of course these are questions that you’ll need to grapple with at some point, but it helps to face them when you’re calm and can think rationally. In these moments, bring it back to the present. Don’t think about what happened, or how you’re going to handle it in the future. Instead, focus on your breath — feel your lungs expand as you inhale, notice the smell of the air around you, release your shoulders and neck and feel the tension leave your body.
If you haven’t discovered the power of focusing on the present, I urge you to try it. If you have trouble at first, practice while doing an activity you enjoy or while spending time with someone you love — it’s easier to find the feeling that way at first. Once you’ve found it, try branching out by focusing on the present during everyday, routine activities. It will be difficult at first, but I promise you, it gets easier and you’ll feel the benefits. You’ll feel calmer, be slower to anger, be more appreciative of the small things, and just generally feel happier.
Let me know how it goes — I’d love to hear from you 🙂
Yours,
Kristin
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